Cary Grant. Who?

There are plenty of people in the world who still know who he was, but just in case you aren't one of them, you should definitely take a gander at his Wiki Page.

Words that stick out are debonair and dashing. Definitely a man who had his self and his style together. Few men have been more revered for their well-groomed good looks, yet Grant made it a point to be very cavalier about his appearance - rarely admitting to doing any exercise, avoiding make-up when on camera, and not being picky about having a particular barber every time. These ticks didn't make him a fan with directors who were concerned about their film's visual continuity, but it did help to endear him in the eye of the public for his "natural beauty."

And now you have a sudden urge to dress better and get your stuff together... but how!? Well, my friend, it's your lucky day!

Cary Grant's Secrets for Looking Great, Always

• Buy only stylish conservative clothing.
- Grant's father was a tailor's presser in Bristol, and Grant always stuck with the well-regarded Savile Row tailors for his clothes. Of course, how much he spent, didn't matter as much as how great they looked on him. Because classic suits never go out of style, he was often able to wear the same suits for years. In fact, Grant usually had only a surprisingly small wardrobe of a few, mostly dark, suits.
• Shirt collars and suit lapels can help overcome physical shortcomings.
- Grant was well aware of his minor physical flaws, and took measures to mask them. He had his tailors build up the shoulders of his suits (to hide his sloping shoulders), as well as modify his shirt collars and suit lapels (in order to make his thick neck appear longer and thinner).
**Tip** - Thick-necked men should favor long, pointed collars and lapels, which are slightly larger than usual. While thin-necked men should go for spread collars and narrow lapels.
• Good conditioning doesn't require a muscular appearance.
- A trim, well-conditioned physique and grace of motion are the keys. Grant wasn't a fan of push-ups or free weights, but instead favored swimming each day. Regular exercise helped him stay fit without building large muscles, and also attributed to his graceful motion. It's been said that his memorable appearance may more likely be because of his movements than his handsome face. Some of his elegance can be traced back to the fact that he was a trained acrobat, and could even pull off several tricks later in life. Additionally, part of his work history prior to acting, included "stilt walking" on Coney Island, which is partially funny because he was slightly bowlegged.
• Don't fight the aging process.
- When Cary Grant's hair began to turn white sometime in the '60s, he let it go white. It's said that he felt if he dyed his hair it was bordering on dishonesty, but I'm not so sure about that since he didn't have a problem covering up other physical traits (read shoulder padding). He more likely was aware that obvious attempts to alter his appearance could have ruined his natural casual image. He would cover this by saying that desperate attempts to hang on to youth were unattractive by their very nature, and he was oft disdainful of fellow actors who had toupees or facelifts.
• Have and display confidence.
- Part of Grant's charm was his ability to appear comfortably at ease in his own skin at all times. If you've got it, flaunt it, if not, fake it until you do!

Quick Tips Towards a Better You

KIDS KIDS KIDS
FEARS: Help your child handle fear by listening respectfully to what they say, without becoming overly concerned or active, which would reward the feeling of fear. Belittling the fears will make the child less likely to share them with you. Patience is key, and you have to give them time to overcome their fears at their own speed. You can help them come up with ways to handle their fears, praise them as they get better at facing their fears, and acknowledge their coping skills.
QUICKTIP: Physical play, drawing, painting, and completing small tasks help children master their world and can make them less fearful.

ETIQUETTE: Have a "Polite Night" every so often to teach kids table manners. Get out good plates, and silverware, and dine by candlelight. Practice the proper etiquette for a formal dinner, from setting the table correctly, to eating rolls and cutting meat.

PERSONALITIES: If your child is particularly intense, let them win when disputes are unimportant. Be careful not to give in to unreasonable demands though. From time to time, pick activities where winning is not the main objective, like gardening or storytelling. When your child begins to get riled up about something, try a diversion tactic, i.e. That should be enough of (insert current activity here) for now, how about a quick snack? Make sure your child sees you relax, and acknowledge your own mistakes so they can learn to deal with theirs.

FEELING GOOD
In Your Flow: How do you feel when you feel really good? Typical responses are: alert, joyful, energetic, accomplished, challenged, lucky, strong, at peace, winning, etc... Whichever words you use, they determine how you feel when operating at your personal highest level, which some refer to as "being in the flow." Focus on these feelings when you have them, and use them every day to create better results for yourself in everything you do.

Being More Productive: It is NOT possible to catch up on five days of sleep deprivation during a 2-day weekend, and as a result, many people are perpetually tired or even lethargic. Instead of a coffee break, try relaxing into a 20 minute nap, especially between 1 and 3 PM, when there is a natural dip in human body rhythms. This dip is noticeably worse for people who are sleep deprived.

WORK LIFE
Excuses - Don't Use Them: You always want to be known as a star performer, which means you'll have to ditch these excuses.
- They didn't get back to me. This implies reactive instead of proactive choices. Take the initiative to come up with creative solutions when the normal methods for reaching someone aren't producing results.
- I thought (insert coworker's name here) was taking care of that. This not only starts the blame game, but is completely unproductive. Stay focused on the project's overall progress so that you're aware when something isn't being done when it's supposed to be. You may wind up taking on additional responsibilities, but you'll come out looking like a champ instead of a chump.
- No one ever told me. This sends the signal that you're oblivious to what's going on around you. If you have questions about something, figure it out, or ask, BEFORE it becomes a problem.
- I didn't have time. This would indicate poor time management on your part, particularly if it's an item that is regularly completed within a given time frame.
- I didn't think to ask about that. This shows off your lack of foresight and/or proper planning.
- I'll do my best. This is a tricky one because it almost doesn't sound that bad when you just look at it. Ultimately though, it suggests that you are trying to avoid final responsibility if things don't go well. Turn it into a determined "Yes."

Employable Forever: Manage your career so that you are always in demand, not only in your current company, but elsewhere as well.
- Keep your knowledge up to date. Be on the lookout for new skill-sets to learn and ways to improve existing ones.
- Have quantifiable accomplishments. These should show how you reduced costs, increased revenue, or made work more productive or efficient. An easy way to keep track of this is by continuously updating your resumé.
- Network constantly. If you're not a people person, become one. There is a lot of truth to the old saying, "It's not what you know, but who." Take the opportunity to talk to people representing other businesses which interact with your employer's. This will help you explore your career options on an ongoing basis, as well as open your eyes to potential areas for those quantifiable improvements.


Best wishes for a bright and happy weekend!

Begrudgingly De-Grudging - How to Let Go of a Grudge (Part 2)

For your health!

LETTING GO OF ANGER
You can do it! The single most important step in forgiveness is giving up the irrational belief beneath your anger - the demand that other people act in the way that you want.

TIP: Look for the should's in your thinking, i.e.:
- He shouldn't have done that to me;
- People shouldn't act this way;
- I've been good, decent, and caring so I should be rewarded.

When you find yourself having thoughts like this, challenge them. While it would be very nice for people to act decently and respectfully toward one another, is there any reason to believe that they must behave this way? Of course not.

Remind yourself that everyone is fallible and that you can choose to accept this reality or fight against it - often at great cost to yourself.

Exercises to advance the inner talk that makes forgiveness possible:
- Write a letter to the other person, but don't plan to send it. Express fully how you feel, why that person's actions have hurt you and made you angry, and declare assertively, to yourself, that you forgive them.
It may take several days and many drafts to get the letter just right. You've completed the exercise only when you feel that the letter you've written is so honest and authentic that you would welcome receiving it yourself. (Actually sending it is always an option for the future.)

- Bury the grudge - literally! Write out the thing you're angry about and bury it in a pot of soil. Decide that for three months, you'll act as if you've forgiven the other person. The paper should degrade in the soil, just like your anger will fade as time goes by. This powerful symbolic exercise may seem silly, but it is extremely therapeutic, and it works!

- Enlist help. Have a friend or relative take the role of the other person. Confess all your anger and painful thoughts to that person. Encourage the "stand-in" to resist your attempts to rationalize your past behavior and to discuss only the ways that lead to forgiveness. This creates the "ideal" situation for expressing your pain and working through it with a level-headed "opponent." Be sure not to fall into the trap of having them pick sides and agree with your anger because this will only foster the grudge, as discussed in Part 1.

- Tap into the power of imagery. Use a technique such as deep breathing to achieve a fully relaxed state. Then imagine yourself talking with the person who hurt you, and imagine forgiving them or at least acting in a friendly, accepting way. This technique releases anxiety and connects the act of forgiveness to calm, pleasant feelings.


Best of luck to you all for freedom, love, and peace through forgiveness!

Begrudgingly De-Grudging: How to Let Go of a Grudge (Part 1)

Holding a grudge takes mental, emotional and physical energy. It makes you obsessive, angry, and depressed.

Some might say that forgiving and forgetting pays... but it won't be in nickels and dimes.


WHY FORGIVE?
Three of the most beautiful words in any language are "I forgive you." Well, they are if you're a screwup like me anyway! But let's face it, it's not always easy to let go of past hurts and offenses, especially when the source is someone we care about.

A grudge can take on a life of its own, and endure for decades, even often outliving the original offender (no reference to the movie).

Considering the power of a grudge, is it any wonder that its anti-matter, forgiveness, is also very powerful (possibly even moreso)? So you can imagine why certain groups push forgiveness when the members are trying to regain control over their lives. The power gained from forgiving can lead to many other positive turns!

Forgiveness also has a spiritual quality, so many religions foster and encourage the process as well. There are more down-to-Earth reasons to put aside hard feelings though - solid, compelling reasons, including basic mental and physical health.

Too often we want to forgive, but something gets in the way. Eliminating the obstacles and achieving this empowering freedom, often requires more than minimal effort.

So I'm a screwup AND I'm lazy? ... For shame! No, no, no, it's totally natural to put a lot of pressure on yourself, which only compounds the stress related with holding a grudge. As you know, stress itself is bad enough for your well-being, but add on the anger you're feeling towards the other person... and now you've set the ball rolling on a whole spectrum of health miseries, including: chronic stomach maladies, heart problems, and even skin conditions!

Without question, the more anger we experience within, the more we wind up spewing out. This can lead to social complications on top of the internal problems. Apparently, the inability to let go of hurtful words or actions from one person, also makes it harder to trust or feel close to other people. Holding a grudge winds up infecting your family or prime social network, forcing everyone to choose sides and establish loyalties. These unhealthy activities breed secrets and spite instead of love and caring.


OVERCOMING FALSE BELIEFS
Forgiving is almost entirely an internal process. You could sit down with someone and say to their face "I forgive you for embarrassing me in front of the family..." or you can simply keep silent but start acting in a new way that is accepting... Either way, the real work involves you alone! Often, the first step is identifying and overcoming the fears, false beliefs, and misconceptions that make it difficult to forgive someone.
Some common false beliefs that prevent us from forgiving easily:
- If I forgive, I'll have to trust the other person, and I'm afraid I'll be hurt again. In reality, trust and forgiveness are very separate. To forgive is to free yourself from an uncomfortable emotion. You're just accepting the fact that the other person is a fallible human being, who must earn your trust.

- To forgive is a sign of weakness. In reality, the opposite is true. The forgiving person is strong enough to be assertive and able to express their feelings directly rather than lying or dissembling. This is a sign of character that most people truly respect.

- By forgiving I will be letting the offending party get away with something. In reality, the act of forgiving actually brings the wrong that was done to the forefront, and makes it clear that the deed was unacceptable in the future. You always have the option of choosing not to forgive, or becoming more aggressive yourself if the person repeat the offense repeatedly.

- I can't forgive until I forget In reality, you'll forget a wrong much faster when you've let go of the emotional charge attached to it. Forgetting is often the RESULT of forgiving.

- It's phony to act forgiving if I don't really feel it. In reality, we often empower ourselves to do uncomfortable things by a pure act of will, because we know those things are in our best interest. Go through the motions of forgiveness, and your emotions will catch up. Be it to believe it!


-- Part 2 Coming Soon! --

Linking For Money

Although linking can be good for you, you have to be careful about randomly linking to a bunch of sites where you don't control the content. I read about this one blogger who (forgive me if I get any of this information skewed, I'm skipping my fact-checking on this one) had issues before, with a certain service which automatically created links to "relevant" content, and then his blog was Google-blacklisted because they caught his site with some unhealthy links on it. That would have been the death of many blogs, but the one I'm referring to was actually able to remove the service and salvage his reputation, eventually re-establishing his once-former glory. (Lots of hyphens in this one!)

WHEW, that was a long winded lead-in to a contest being run on www.bloggernoob.com where you can win money by simply adding a MAKE MONEY BLOG link to your blog. Any blogger who wants to earn money with their blog, needs guidance, and that is a great place to find some! Check it out, and even participate in the contest if you catch it in time because, with this one, the prize money is directly related to the number of entrants!