A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a
calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said
he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us,' the Attorney General said. 'They
desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names
like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval
with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles
used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.''
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, 'If God had
wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, he would have
given us more fingers and toes.' Republican leaders told reporters
they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the
President.
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