She Knows Dolly Sleeps A Lot

Here's a quick funny to lift your holiday spirits on this cold, wet, dreary December hump-day:

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A hard-working executive comes home from "Take your daughter to work" day.

The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary; why do you call her a doll?"

Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my secretary is a very dedicated employee - she types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer and phone system, and she's very efficient."

"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closes her eyes when you lay her down on the couch."

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There Just Aren't Any Good Jokes Left Out There!

You might be saying that very thing if you don't know where to look, but now the University of California Berkeley will bring the funny to you... via Jester.
Rate a few simple jokes and Jester will begin pumping A+, Class A, Number 1 humor through your internet connection, straight onto your screen.

Here's an example of something it spat at me:

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A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "Alright, take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is silence, and then a gun shot is heard.

The hunter comes back on the line. "Okay. Now what??"
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Pretty funny in my opinion, as it very well should be, since UC Berkeley scientists have completed several versions of Elegentaste, the engine running the Jester joke recommendation server.

Enjoy your new found happy days, laughing all the way, to the next joke!

Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!

...or do, it's up to you!

Via Email:

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Wacky Wirey Wednesday

Hey, I was able to keep the 'W' on it this time! I'm so content, and as for content, here's a daily giggle, partially known as:

- "Texas Always Wins!" -
  After having dug to a depth of 10 yards last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years, sending them to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

  Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly thereafter, headlines in the "LA Times" newspaper read: "California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."

  One week later, "The Express News," a local newspaper in Texas, reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 yards in corn fields near Austin, Bubba Jo Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Johnson therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless."

T.G.I.F. (AND that I'm not homeless)

In no way do I think homelessness is funny, in fact if I don't get a real job soon, I'll probably be right there out on the streets with them.

That being said, there ARE those out there, who haven't lost their sense of humor, and so I present to you: "The Top 11 Funniest Homeless Signs!"

You ask, why not "The Top 10?" And I answer, I have no idea...the email forward had 11, so that's how many there are!

Finally, I'm sure this is on another blog somewhere, with a different order, more pictures, and a catchier title about poor suffering homeless stiffs, but I've never run across it and figured it needed to be done.


Number 11


Number 10


Number 9


Number 8


Number 7

_{(Translated: "For Beer" "For Wine" "For Whiskey" "For Hangover")}

Number 6


Number 5


Number 4


Number 3


Number 2


Number 1





After looking at those, maybe you laughed a couple times, or 'crack'ed a smile and felt a little twinge, like karma was gonna get you now - well, click a couple times and do something good for humanity, like feed the hungry, or help breast cancer research/survivors. (Updated: On a similar note with more links and a prettier layout, here's another LinkToUs blog post.)
I promise they aren't affiliate links. For every click (once a day per person I believe) advertisers will donate food, money, or other assistance (depending on the site) to whichever charity it's based on.

Or maybe you just want to check out more about the coalition to end homelessness?

Either way, what are still sitting around for, go do your good deed!